
 Okay, so Murphy's law HASN'T turned his back on me for today. But
'Prettyboy Warrior Nekomi Tech Kamen'? They HAD to be kidding right? . .

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 IMPROFANFIC PRESENTS

 Magical Girl Hunters Episode 8

 'Life Sucks . .' 

 By Katy Coope

 Edited by a Fish with a Fag.

 Created by Aaron Shattuck

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 With surprising speed for such a fat Kid, PWNTK (Prettyboy Warrior
Nekomi Tech Kamen is one hell of a long name) Pulled out one of those
pointer thingies lecturers use and put it to a slightly different use.
I.E. To fire a barrage of Pink energy at us. I was too busy diving for
cover to notice what Itami, H or 'Pretty Deadly' were doing but
fortunately his aim pretty much sucked. It was either that or he really
hated that lamp post behind us. 
 He looked quite surprised that we were still alive for a brief moment
then awkwardly fell from the lamp post as a bowie knife embedded itself
in his shoulder. Itami pulled out another and for the first time in ages
he actually missed. Prettyboy lunged at Itami , slinging energy blots
left and right. My partner was really picking the wrong day to forget
how to shoot straight. 
 Sailor H however had not lost her aim and, seeing that there was the
slightest chance of her beloved Itami getting hurt, took the opportunity
to get Prettyboy round the neck with her whip.
 " DIE YOU LITTLE. . ."
She was halfway through throttling the overweight do-gooder when a
disgustingly cute pink super-deformed rodent hit her square in the face.
Prettyboy tore the whip from around his neck and continued firing in a
seemingly random directions. One hit Itami in the side and Aika jumped
out the way as he slammed against the car next to her. Realising I was
just standing around doing nothing I fished out that whup-ass gun of
mine and fired. Some how the little bugger dodged all three bullets but
at least he stopped firing. He span around to face me.

 " YOU! You are the Follower of evil that destroyed my beloved!. . ."

 Damn, the love sick pedophiles recognised me. I aimed again to finish
him off mid speech in the time honoured fashion. I pressed the trigger.
. 

 " I will continue her work of goodness and light and vanquish the
forces of evil in her place. . ."

 He swung to one side as the penetrator
The bullet shot out and hit his shoulder, he didn't even flinch. There
was the hollow click that signalled a jam. . .

 "Starting with YOU!!! "

 I was already running. That Bastard Finn had either been lying or Sods
law wanted me to have a REALLY bad day. Out the edge of my vision I saw
'Pretty Deadly' run off. I wondered about it for about half a
millisecond before a bolt of pink energy hit the ground just behind me
and my thoughts reverted to their traditional 
 'Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitoh. . .' 
Pattern.
  I reached into the jacket and pulled out a grenade, hopefully of the
smoke verity, pulled out the clip and lobbed it behind me. It was green
but it was still a smoke grenade so I didn't really care. The smoke
screen gave me enough time to pegg it into the back streets where it
took me all of five seconds to get hopelessly lost and just start
picking random streets.
 Prettyboy was quite far behind me but the zings of energy bolts being
fired and the booms of them hitting the wrong things told me he was
getting closer. Another one, too close for comfort, hit the wall next to
me from round the corner. Even If he was a crap shot there was still a
pretty good chance he might just hit me from close range. Panicking I
sped on, I reckoned that he might have just seen me vanish round another
corner. The street carried on for about five meters, there was a small
side street turning off to right and the main street carried on. He
wouldn't be *that* dumb, would he? Hell, it was worth a try. 
 I jumped back into the alley and ducked into the shadows. Prettyboy,
panting and running slight more slowly, ran straight past. The twat. . .
 I waited for him to turn the corner then sped the other way. I got
about fifty meters then heard a yell of

 " YOU CANNOT ESCAPE FOR I, PRETTYBOY WARRIOR NEKOMI TECH KAMEN, WILL
AVENGE MY DEAR PRINCESS LOVE!!!"

 It had taken him a little less time to figure it out than I had hoped
but a least now I had a bit more breathing space. Much to my annoyance I
started absently singing  'Hate is very, very bad, we should love
instead. . . ' Again. I tried to figure out how the hell Prettyboy was
catching up so fast when I noticed he was heading down completely
different alleys to me. I realised he knew exactly where he was going
when he appeared just behind from a side street. 

 "oh shit!"

 I had had too much running around and getting shot at type activities
for one day and I have to admit I was getting tired. I tried to find
another grenade but I had run out. The Kickass gun had jammed and Pretty
Deadly had my other one. That left me with a total of zero decent ranged
weapons and Prettyboy couldn't keep missing me indefinitely.
They say that when you are about to die your senses suddenly become more
acute. Just about every single one was now screaming    "TURN LEFT!!"
But one those god-awful things we call impulses took over and decided to
turn right. . .

 Dead end.

 Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitoh. . .

 I was too busy getting out my knife to notice the beer can on the
ground and tripped over it, the knife clattering to the ground. I did
notice that Prettyboy had stopped firing. I got to my feet and turned
around. He was standing over me, face in a very annoying grin, aiming
that pointy thing at me.

 " NOW, EVIL DOER, YOU WILL FEEL THE WRATH OF THE FORCES OF LOVE!! "

 I thought I heard a distant rumble of an engine. . .

 " I WILL HAVE REVENGE FOR PRINCESS LOVE! PREPARE TO DI. . ."

 I dived out the way as his victory speech was interrupted by a Harley
Dirt-bike smashing into him, breaking his spine with a sickening crack
and slamming him against the wall. Aika grinned at me. She had had yet
another costume change, this time she was wearing a leather body suit, a
back biker jacket and boots. Yeah, I know there is one hell of an age
difference but man did she look good. Not a scratch on H but not bad
none the less. she obviously saw me looking at her because the first
thing she said was
 
 "Well, have *you* ever tried to drive a Harley in a Fuku? Get on, were
kinda in a hurry."

 I climbed onto the bike behind her and without warning she sped out of
the alley.

 "Where the hell did you learn to drive? you're not even old enough for
a drivers licence." I asked

 " I have a LOT of spare time. Get working on that gun, I think you
might need it."

 " what do you intend to do if some cops see us? "

 " I'm still working on that."

 " Wait a sec, where DID you get this bike from anyway? "

 " It was my brothers before that unfortunate accident with the
headgetrimmer. . ."

 " Oh right. What's the hurry? "

 "Dunno. It's just that a lot of people seem to want you dead today so I
thought I better get you back to your office before any more
goons turn up." She turned from the road for a brief moment and winked
at me. "Itami is good but he's not THAT good. Without you He'd have real
problems. " Hey, a girl who wasn't trying to kill us OR madly in love
with Itami! Wow!

 After about 10 minuets the Bike pulled out onto the main road and I
could see our car ahead of us. I wondered what H was doing with Itami in
MY car and how Itami was driving at the same time before we both turned
off into the back streets that surrounded the office. I was still amazed
that Aika seemed to be more bothered about me than Itami. 
 My thoughts were interrupted as I noticed something small, yellow and
quietly going "cheep cheep!" Dart across the road. Okay, so it was
actually what I suspected to about fifty nine bolts of multicoloured
energy blasting the road ahead of the car apart that I noticed, I was
just building up to that. The car skidded to a halt. H and Itami threw
them selves out it, Aika swerved, I nearly fell off the Bike and then
the car exploded. . .

I Looked around. Dotted around on rooves, down alleys, in porches and up
trees (I'm not kidding) I could see magical girls. as if my day wasn't
hectic enough already, who ever it is up there wanted me to have another
workout. The girls wern't fireing anymore shots, It was freaking me out.
I began working on the gun. it was about then that the girls started
firing again. I knew I couldn't leave H and Itami, Aika and I got off
the bike, started runing and I Hoped like hell that they might miss.

 a few seconds later The shots ceased. I noticed Itami and sailor H by
the office. Aika was with me and we were all in one piece, unlike the
road and most of the buildings. I did a quick count on the magical
girls.

 Fifty-fucking-Nine.

 The Shining Crayon Knights. . .

 I hate my job. . . .




--------------------------------------
 WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO OUR LOVABLE BUNCH OF ANTI-HEROES?
 WHAT *WERE* H AND ITAMI DOING IN THE CAR ANYWAY?
 WHY HASN'T ANYONE ELSE FIGURED OUT THAT WINT-O-GREEN LIFESAVERS TASTE
LIKE BOG CLEANER?
 WHY WAS THIS PART SO DAMN SHORT?
 WHY DO I KEEP ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS?

 TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOLKS FOR ANOTHER 'THRILLING'(ish) ENSTALMENT!!




-- 
Katy Coope      " Well it LOOKED like a fish. . ."