As I stood there, in a no-win situation (as usual), I decided it
was time to look back on my life. Really look back. I wanted to
discover what dark chain of events led up to my inevitable demise
here on a badly lit street somewhere downtown.

                                +       +       +

IMPROFANFIC PRESENTS: Magical Girl Hunters

Created by Aaron Shattuck

This part by Spencer Cody

Chapter 9: Substandard Interlude Trash

                                +       +       +

        Let me think back, way back, to why I first became an
assassin targeting magical girls. Who wouldn't be hard pressed to
figure how the hell this happened? I mean, at High School career
day, I recalled going to the carpentry booth and being mildly
interested in the wide world of hammer-related injuries and
2-inch splinters. But soon after that, everything went askew.
Itami had about as much aim in life as I did, and we were already
friends. How much more convenient can you get if you're on the
road to becoming a pair of untrained and indiscriminate killers? 
So anyway, I believe it happened in our senior year, 1995...

                                +       +       +

        "So Itami...we've graduated from High School."

        "Yeah."

        "Got any plans? Y'know, for the future?"

        "None in particular."

        "Well, I was looking into architecture in that career
day. I think it pays pretty well."

        "I was thinking of trying my hand in a dart league."

        "......What?"

        "Nothing."

        "...Dar-"

        "Nothing. How much money you have?"

        "About 7800 yen. Wanna go eat out?"

        "Sure."
[Errr, wait, that was the week before...]

        "Okay, what are our resources? Do we have any experience
doing anything?"

"I regularly went and helped at an old folks' home."

"Wow, Itami, really? I wouldn't have figured you..."

"I didn't actually do that, just trying to lighten up the
situation."

"This is serious. My parents are going to kick me out, and I
won't have anyone to mooch off of."

"My mom doesn't care too much about me. Her telemarketing is
pretty profitable."

"So glad to hear that. So we don't have any skills, huh?"

"Well, I can hunt."

"...I'd almost like to think that'd be useful."

"Well, what about all the John Woo movies we saw the other day?"

"Don't even pretend you're being serious."

                                +       +       +

This fetching conversation evolved into plans for a small
assassination team within the following month. Armed with Itami's
late father's 12 gauge, there was but one step left: deciding our
demographic (gun fodder). Seeing as there were many other
professional squads out there on the brown/black/shades of gray
market, we had to stand out in some way. The deciding factor...a
hat.

                                        +       +       +

"Here, pick one."

"You've just put a hat in my face, Itami. Why?"

"Pick one."

"...Postal employees?"

"Don't like that one?"

"What?"

"These are our options for potential targets."

        "In an ordinary hat?"

        "People that many would like to see dead."

        "Postal employees?"

        "Pick."

        "Sunday newspaper columnists?"

        "..."

        "What the?! 'Bishoujo Mahou Senshi'?"

        "Yep. Evil forces that want them dead, right?"

        "The ones that always fail?"

        "Yes."

        "...So why not hire someone who's not manipulated by
clichs?"

        "Got it..."

        "Yoi Kurasaka and Itami Daikoku, the 'magical girl
hunters'. Hmm, has less than a ring to it."

                                        +       +       +

And that's how the epic story began. Two guys straight out of
High School decide to go into business as young girl-murdering
mercenaries. It brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it? 3 years
later, after many profitable ventures, our ass is up against the
wall for what seems the final time. It's funny how karma chooses
total annihilation for payback, as opposed to repeated subtle
incidents, such as falling down a flight of stairs...

                                        +       +       +

http://pixelscapes.com/improfanfic/
