
     << Word of Warning: Hopefully, I don't have anything wrong
here, but I did write this part in a hurry with no chance to have
anyone edit it, and consequently may have inadvertently made
mistakes.  So please forgive me if I do. =)                  
-Terry!    >>
     
     
     Things couldn't get any worse... After getting the brilliant
idea to raid an idol singer benefit concert, we're not only
attacked by an entire plethora of magical girls that happened to
be the main attraction, but we also get personal visits from both
Mashihaisha Ultra and Shub-Nigguroth, and then attacked by even
more magical girls -- _reincarnated_ ones this time, no less,
thanks to the fuzzy, cutesy tome of forbidden knowledge known as
the Necronomicute.  And then, to make matters even more
nightmarish, a horde of youma simply pop up from nowhere, and to
top things off, even before we get properly worked up to at least
make a stand against said powerful, destructive horde, up pops
even _more_ magical girls, who decide to knock me out, cart me
off, and serve me tea while the fate of my bodily existance is
being debated.
     
     I definitely need a vacation.
     
     --------------------------------------------
     
     Improfanfic presents:
        MAGICAL GIRL HUNTERS
             Episode 16: "Magical Women"?
                Written by M. Terry (hunterx@shellworks.com)
                Edited by Prof. R. J. Gumby
                Series Created by Aaron Shattuck
     
     --------------------------------------------
     
     Just to pass the time, I decided to concentrate more on the
possible locations I could visit on vacation than my current "in
captivity" status.  More specifically, my mind dwelled on places
that included skimpily-dressed women, cheap beer, and a spa.  I
dwelled further on what said women might do with and to me in
said spa as I downed my cup of tea, placing it on the table
beside me instead of the saucer/doily combination provided.  The
Neon Blue Fuku'ed Girl (as I've oh-so-affectionately dubbed her,
since she hasn't really said anything let alone tell me her name
as of yet) gave me yet another of her many versions of the "you
are sooooo dead" look in retaliation, then went back to her
pre-appointed tasks of sipping her own cup of tea, looking at the
door behind me in disgust, and looking at me with varied
strengths of loathing.  Not that I really cared, of course.
     
     What I was slightly worried about, though, was the amount of
time it was taking the ruckus behind me to decide whether or not
I should live.  I normally thought that it would be a snap
decision: I, being a magical girl hunter, was therefore deemed
"Evil Scourge" by my prey (at least that's what they yelled at me
before making those glurky sounds commonly associated with a
gutshot wound), and therefore would logically follow that I would
be eliminated without a second thought, probably involving
rainbows, light and other assorted cutesiness.  Or, if they were
clever enough, they could append a sure-death situation to the
end of my tenure of service with them -- go get a gallon of milk
and end up in Youma Central for instance.  But from what I tried
to decipher from the din coming from the back room, neither of
these options had been mentioned.  Really, I couldn't hear too
much of anything due to the frequent unintelligible shouting
matches.
     
     Apparently, the Neon Blue Fuku'ed Girl felt the same sort of
worry about my fate as I did but just took it a different way;
everytime she glanced towards the door, the look of disgust on
her face increased.  In efforts to break her out of her tedium of
staring at said door, I offered her kindly the job of refilling
my teacup, with the hopes of lifting her spirits in work-filled
bliss.
     
     Acutally, it came out more like "Gimme some tea, will ya?"
     
     The Blue Fuku'ed Girl turned her disgust towards me for a
split second, snatched my teacup, and skipped -- no, actually, I
sensed a bit more "storming around" from her than skipping --
over to the tea service in the corner.  Returning with the tea,
she decided to say the first sentence since her "You can provide
a service to us" speech five minutes ago: "Jesus, it's taking
them forever."
     
     "Probably figuring out in just what ways I could be useful
besides playing 'Darwin of the Magical Girls,'" I decided to
reply.  "Y'know, gardner, plumber, someone to clean up after
those magical furballs you guys have... I mean we _do_ have leash
laws 'round here..."
     
     She added more "disgust towards my existance" to the look
she gave me this time, daintily setting the teacup onto the
saucer as not to make a mess.  "You know, if I had my way, I'd be
in there adding my vote for 'Dispose of you discreetly in some
sewage system'.  But from the sound of things, the 'Let you live'
party is making a comeback."  In response, the ruckus in the back
room rose a few decibles, helping the words "hunter", "vile
actions", and -- here's the shocking one -- "evil scourge" float
to my ears.
     
     "I'm honored.  Really." I grabbed the teacup and downed it
in one gulp.  For added effect, I again placed the teacup on the
bare table, with the evil part of my soul praying that it would
leave a ring at least.
     
     The Neon Blue Fuku'ed Girl snickered.  "Heck, you should be
surprised at who's trying to save your bacon in there. 
Especially, since from what I hear, you vaporized her familiar
while it was clinging to her chest!"
     
     I blinked.  That at least gave me a clue as to who the rest
of this little party might be -- well at least it narrowed it
down to about... oh... between fifty and hundred of the local
magical girls at least.  What could I say, it was fun shooting
their familiars as they flitted around so cutely; it put the fear
of God into the girl associated with the newly-deceased giblet --
made them think a bit before restarting their crusade against me. 
I blinked again.  Funny, though, I don't remember actually
shooting too many familiars as they were actually clinging to...
their....
     
     Then, the realization struck me.  It was almost like how the
idea hits you when you've been trying to solve a Rubik's Cube and
you've done pretty much everything to it save peeling off all the
stickers and re-taping them to the cube in the right pattern and,
just after you throw it against a wall in a final act of
desperation, you come to realize that all you have to do is just
make two twists to solve it, thereby becoming the envy of...
well... no one.  Pretty much the same feeling, but with nothing
to throw.  
      
     As if unsuprisingly on cue, the door behind me slammed open.
From the shuffling of feet, I could tell that the room's
occupants were starting on their way to gather around me.  I
started straining against the bright mauve ribbon that bound me
to the easychair I was strapped into, to give the impression that
if I was going out, I was going out flailing wildly.  Figures...
the damn ribbon wouldn't even wrinkle unfashionably, let alone
show any signs of possible weakness.  And then I could feel the
warmness of someone breathing on my neck just behind my ear...
And then, whispered ever so softly, "Hello, Yoi...."
     
     I sighed.  "Hello, H."
     
     With quickness that would surprise even a jackrabbit, H slid
from behind the chair and into a rather provocative position on
my lap.  Well, at least she tried, but the rather bulky crimson
robe she was wearing (instead of her usual 
     damn-near-next-to-nothing) impeded her movements, and she
ended up in a rather clumsy perch on my lap.  Out of the corner
of my eye, I could see the Neon Blue Fuku'ed Girl roll her eyes
in her usual disgust-filled manner.
     
     "Wow! I've never seen an evil scourge close up before!  This
is so cool!" said a very blonde, very buxom girl as she skipped
around the chair, lapped the blue fuku'ed one three times, waved
at me timidly, and then proceeded to simply bounce up and down in
place.  (Not that I was complaining about the last part, mind
you.)  This magical girl happened to look about a year or two
younger than my blue-fuku'ed friend and, in fact, wore a fuku
very much like her blue companion, only that hers was a very
bright yellow and very... accommodating to her frame, to put it
mildly.
     
     "For God's sake, Kei... will you please stop?" the
blue-fuku'ed one spat out, holding her head as if the top of it
was about ready to pop off due to pressure.  The rather exuberant
yellow magical girl stopped her bouncing (unfortunately) and gave
the blue fuku'ed one a look mixed with sterness and shock. 
     
     "Shhhh!" Kei hissed back at her, then adding in a more quiet
voice, "I'm not Kei now, and you know that!"  The logical part of
my mind noted that even though this Kei looked to be at least old
enough to attend a college of some sort, she acted like she had
the IQ of a doorstop -- pretty much a magical girl's mentality,
really.  The rest of my mind, however, was busily studying an
instant replay of Kei's bouncing, this time in slow motion.
     
     The Neon Blue Fuku'ed Girl sighed.  "All right, all right...
Please stop, Pretty EcoWarrior Solina..."  I never heard a
magical girl's moniker mentioned with so much sarcasm in my
entire life.  Apparently, Kei didn't seem to notice at all; on
cue, she struck her stock intro pose, and the yellow of her fuku
seemed to brighten to the point of blinding.  Meanwhile, a fourth
magical girl decided to emerge from behind my easychair,
revealing a woman who seemed to be in just starting into her 30s. 
She, like the others, was dressed in the same style of fuku, but
her's was a nice shade of not-quite-so-neon forest green. Her
gaze was fixed on the blue fuku'ed one.  "Yuna, now what did I
say about treating Kei with respect?"
     
     Yuna sighed.  "I'm sorry, Mina."
     
     Mina turned towards me, but instead fixed her gaze on H, who
was busily trying to free her spike-heeled boot from the bottom
hem of her robe, all the while wriggling to try to stay on my
lap.  "Kasumi, please don't sit on our guest."
     
     Kasumi?
     
     H looked up at Mina.  "Oh, sorry," she said as she rolled
off of my lap, and landed gracefully on her feet beside me.
     
     Kasumi???
     
     H turned to look at me, noticed the look of puzzlement on my
face, and returned one along the lines of "Don't you dare tell
anyone about this, else you'll wake up with organs missing".
     
     After a few moments of noting all four girls staring me, I
decided to break the silence with a good-natured comment. 
"Allrighty, just to fill me in, what the hell is going on here?"
     
     "You're going to help us!" Kei squealed, resuming her
bouncing.
     
     "Oh, God," Yuna replied, burying her head in her hands.
     
     Mina sighed, her expression changing from one of big sister
to one of a bank employee stopping by an old couple's house just
to hand them their foreclosure notice.  "Well, um, we've...
decided... that we need your services after all... um... in a
small matter," she paused, making it obvious that this entire
speech would be difficult for her. She probably never really had
to _ask_ for help before in any matters (most magical girls just
appear to help out others -- makes it really convenient to take
out a few extra, let me tell you), let alone someone like me. 
"You've come highly... er... recommended from your...
colleagues... and a... former... employer..."
     
     An English voice cut in.  "Correction, my dear:  current
employer."  From the left side of the easychair strolled the
time-bending freak himself, Nigel Ramsbottom, complete with
stereotypical teacup in hand.  He took a sip of tea, and then
glanced at me.  "You still haven't quite finished your task, you
know, old chap.  And you have yet to return our weapons." 
     
     Well, he had me there on both counts, but I decided to
ignore him.  "Where's the rest of my team?"
     
     Mina spoke up. "Oh, they're fine.  Right now, they're
enjoying dinner downstairs."
     
     Before the logical part of my mind could parse that
statement to find any hint of mistruth, the rest of my mind
grabbed hold of my vocal cords.  "Then why have I been tied to
this friggin' chair all day?"
     
     This seemed to catch everyone else except Nigel, who simply
smiled and set his teacup on the saucer he held in his other
hand.  "Ladies, would you excuse me and my colleague for a
second?"
     
     The four magical girls nodded and disappeared behind me --
Kei decided to wave as she went by my chair.  Nigel went to sip
his tea again.  "Well, you _are_ the leader of this merry band of
assassins... the brains of the operation, in an extremely
figurative sort of way.  Therefore, you, ideally, are the one I
have to convince to help me."  With a bemused smirk on his face,
he fluffed the bow on the ribbon that held me to the chair. 
"The... um... security precautions were asked for by the magical
women... just in case you decided to turn on them."
     
     "Magical _womem_?"  That was a new term for me.
     
     "It's what the ladies prefer to be called."  Nigel calmly
sipped his tea yet again. "Seems that they've been given a rather
bad rap lately, what with the recent influx of poorly-trained
magical girls onto the scene."
     
     "Okay... but how does that involve me and my business?"
     
     "Simple," Nigel stated.  "Since you haven't actually
completed the task I gave to you, you are still in my debt. 
These lovely ladies came by asking for my assistance, and I
couldn't refuse them my aid."  Nigel sipped his tea again.  He
was starting to make me rather thirsty, actually. "And then I
thought about you and your group and how you would be absolutely
perfect for this job."
     
     "Define what you mean by job."  Great, the usual scenario is
playing out again:  Mr. Employer determines that I'm still under
contract, so they want to squeeze a bit more work out of me
before they consider it well and done (and I consider claming
some sort of "overtime pay").
     
     "Just a continuation of the job that we agreed on.  You
finish your job with the 'Shubby-chan's Club'..."
     
     "But we did that already!" I decided to mention. "Remember?
Lots of destruction? Scary monsters fall over and die? Club go
boom?"
     
     "Yes, yes, but you only hit three of the four people on my
list.  And the forth one's still loose.  And right now..."
Ramsbottom looked up in thought, as if somewhere on the ceiling
was written the rest of his sentence.  "Yes, right now, she's
with Ultra."
     
     I groaned.  So Reika went back to working with Ultra again. 
My mind raced through what I could remember of the attack at the
concert, and as far as I could remember, I saw her just before
Captain Kawaii made her appearance.  Part of me decided to
contemplate the possiblity that Nigel was just lying and that she
was downstairs with Itami and Aika munching on scones or crumpets
or whatever English people eat.  But Nigel seemed to have that
patented "mysterious quality" about him... his happened to be the
fact that he just seemed to know things, and that bothered me
quite a bit.  In fact, Nigel seemed to know what I was thinking
about right now; it felt like the brightness of his smile kicked
up from low beam to high beam.
     
     "Allright, but how do the other three girls..."
     
     "Women," Nigel corrected me. "They prefer to be called
magical women."
     
     I sighed. "Allright, what do these magical _women_ have to
do with the cult and Ultra?"
     
     "Well, they, like you, feel that somehow Ultra and the
Shub-Niggurath cult have something to do with the...
manufacturing of magical girls, so to speak."
     
     "Okay, why couldn't you've found a more conventional way of
talking to me about this?  Like make an appointment, or stop me
at the grocery store or something?"
     
     Nigel snickered, "Well, Kasumi and I felt that you would
actually sit and listen. But the others wanted to do this on
their own terms.  Just in case you decided to turn on them and
snuff them outright during one of those meetings."
     
     Nigel seemed determined to help them, although I don't know
really quite why.  I didn't really know quite why even Reika was
helping me come to think about it.  Or even why Reika's now with
Ultra.  To tell the truth, I've been rather confused about a lot
of things lately, and anymore I just wanted to go do somthing
else and think about something else for a change other than
people who want to control the forces of good and evil, and all
their supernatural buddies.  But I figured if Nigel would help me
get to the bottom of this any sooner, I'd be a very happy man. 
Besides, though Reika seemed to be real sweet -- weird, but sweet
-- I don't take being set up too terribly well, and that just put
major negative points on her side if she did.
     
     "All right, I'm in." I said, then threw in: "But my fee just
went up."  Thought it would be a nice test to see if he needed my
help or not.
     
     "Fine! Fine! Smashing!" Nigel exclaimed, apparently ignoring
the last part of my statemmsetting his teacup/saucer combination
on the table next to my cup, heading for the door.  "I'll go tell
the others!"
     
     It took me a couple of seconds after Nigel left the room and
the door closed to realize that I was still tied to the chair.
     
     Damn.
     
     -------------------------------------------------
     
     - Will Nigel actually lead Yoi on the right path?
     - Did Reika actually betray Yoi and help Ultra?
     - Will Yoi ever be freed from his comfy confines?
     
     ....I dunno. Go find out next week. =) 
     