Magical Girl Hunters

Chapter 24: Bugger.

by Arthur Monteath-Carr (camcarr@ibm.net)

Presented by ImproFanfic (http://pixelscapes.com/improfanfic/)

Magical Girl Hunters created by Aaron Shattuck

Warning: This chapter was written under the influence of Phillip Glass.
No popes, llamas, communists or consumers were harmed whilst writing
this story. Well, maybe a consumer, but there's more where he came from.

This chapter hopefully edited by A.o.D. Kind of. See, I asked him some
questions and he told me what to do. He's forceful like that. Thomas
"Wanderer" Wilde offered to edit it too, but I ran out of time and he
missed out. My bad.
----

Aika leapt towards me before either I, or the other lady could do
anything. Kawaii seemed to go into shock, so I couldn't expect any help
from her.
"You BASTARD!" she yelled. To my shame, I was still reaching for my
piece as she tackled me. Must be getting soft.
Fortunately for me, she refrained from unleashing any of her happy
happy, joy joy, nuke-the-fuckers magical energy. However, having my nose
repeatedly slammed into the floor wasn't much of an improvement.
"You BAKA!" she yelled, punctuating each insult with another smash.
"BAKA! BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA!!!!!"
A distant part of me that wasn't getting my ass handed to me wondered
just what the hell Kawaii was doing. Then I passed out.

I woke up to see Ramsbottom right in my face.
Habit and circumstance have taught me that the best reaction to
something like this is to blow it away. My pistol, miraculously in its
holster, was up and in his smiling face before you could say "Chow Yun
Fat is a great actor."
I'll give Rammy-boy credit. He didn't flinch when it clicked empty.
"Well, well, Yoi. Still as jumpy as ever. How do you feel?"
"Like shit, thanks for asking."
I sat up. Apparantly, I was still in the room that Kawaii dragged me
into. The woman who had brought in Aika was standing to one side. Aika
and Kawaii were frozen in place, Kawaii reaching for a wand, Aika seemed
to be pulling out one of her Whupass grenades.
"Yoi, you really, really are a wonderful person, you know that?
Absolutely no-one else... Still, to business. That Kamen thing was a bad
move."
"Huh? Why?" OK, ok, coherent speech was not one of my priorities at this
stage.
"Drama, Yoi. Somebody wants drama."
Fighting the grogginess that comes after a right royal beating, I saw
the inherent dichotomy of that statement.
"Wait... I thought that... Hang on. Answer me some questions first."
He smiled again. I continued.
"Who's she? Why is Aika like that? Why isn't my nose a bloody pulp all
over my face?"
"An employee of mine, Ask your friend there, and because I said so."
I rubbed the back of my head. Whole though my nose may be, I still felt
like shit.
"Yoi, I can understand your confusion. Therefore, since brevity is the
soul of wit, and tediousness the outward limbs and flourishes..."
I noticed that Kawaii seemed to be moving. The blue woman didn't notice,
however.
"...you're being put into a delicate... Yoi? Are you listening?"
"Yeah." Buy her time, I thought. Keep this idiot occupied. "Um, by the
way, who is that?"
"Oh, sorry, I am neglectful. This is Sailor Angst, a freelance operative
working with me for the time being. Angst, this is Yoi. You must have
heard of him."
"Hmmph." She said. "It doesn't matter. He'll be dead soon enough. We all
will."
"Some of us, dear." Ramsbottom flashed a conspiratorial grin at me.
"You'll get used to her, eventually. She's not as cynical as she would
like to be, the poor dear."
"You may talk, Ramsbottom," Angst continued. "But we'll see who has the
last laugh come the Apocalypse."
"My dear, let me assure you, it won't be you. Now, Yoi, as I was
saying..."
Kawaii choose that moment to break free of whatever stasis Ramsbottom
had put up. With a yell of "Cute Animal Dismemberment!" she lauched a
pink bolt of cuteness at Ramsbottom's head.
Now... I don't know how to describe what happened. Kawaii's attack just
seemed to make a pencil-sized hole in the guy's head. I don't know what
happened then, as I had pulled out another one of my hidden guns from
out of my coat and started firing at Angst, but when I could turn
around, Ramsbottom was fine.
I fired a quick burst at Angst, but she rolled harmlessly out of the
way. I thought that people could only do that in games, but I had to
deal with it. A black "Eternity Blast" depressed the hell out of some
chemical equipment behind me, as I circled for another shot. I tried to
reach for my other gun, but remembered that it was empty.
Meanwhile, Kawaii was in deep trouble. Ramsbottom had pulled out one of
those freaking de-atomisers, from where I don't know, and was lining up
Kawaii to be turned into pocket lint. For some reason, she seemed not
frightened by this and simply ran towards him.
Angst used my moment of distraction to land an "Ebony Torment" on me.
Pain shot up my entire left side, forcing me to stop and put Sailor
Angst out of her misery. Ha, misery. I kill me. Her too, actually.
When I turned around, there was a freaking huge hole in the wall leading
to the corridor, and Kawaii had just kicked Rammy's chest.
It came out the other side.
Small trails of a black, eldritch goo oozed quickly along her leg and up
to her waist. For a second, she just stared in horror as Ramsbottom
just... consumed her. The bastard was laughing.
Eventually, she started to struggle. Wriggling at first, and when that
failed, she hit him in the head with her wand. His head just fell apart,
only to come together and envelop her arm.
I will admit it; I vomited. Fortunately, I didn't see exactly when
Kumiko ended, but I did hear her. Her voice will echo down the alleys of
my dreams for the rest of my life.

When her last screams were finished echoing around the room, Ramsbottom
looked me straight in the eye.
"Yoi, I must go. I have violated the agreements and concordats that
allowed me to remain on this plane... You might not see me for a few
months. Goodbye."
He turned, then had second thoughts.
"Oh, and one more thing... Next time you see me, ask to see
identification."
A portal opened up behind him and he stepped into it. He seemed really
concerned.
Then I remembered that Aika was about to throw one of those explosives
she was throwing around. Ignoring my aching arm, I crawled behind a
sturdy-looking desk. I counted to three before Aika went ballistic.
"DIE, YOU RAPING BITCH!" she yelled. Presumably, she was going to throw
it at Kawaii, but why she would say that, I don't know.
"Aika!" I yelled. "Calm down!"
"Calm down? CALM DOWN!!!!!" Explosion. I wondered where the hell H and
Itami were.
"You left me! You ignored me, after all I've done for you! My entire
fucking LIFE is in a SHAMBLES because of you, and you ask me to CALM
DOWN! ARRGH!"
I risked peeking over the top of the desk, and saw her pick up a chair
to throw at me. I ducked back down.
This was one thing I wasn't able to cope with. I reached for Keikaku's
phone, then remembered that it was out there. Damn.
Out of options, out of luck, I did the only thing I could think of.
I ran out and kissed her. Which is when H and Itami arrived.
----

DAMN! DAMN DAMN DAMN!

DAMN!
Sorry that my Impro debut had to be so short, rushed and crappy. I know
I can do better. Damnation.
Maybe next time...
Oh, and Burghy: I'll have to give you back your thirty pieces of silver.
Eventually. Don't give up hope, though.
And much thanks to everyone who has visted Brawl.org whenever I have
been there, and the subject turned to MGH. I hope you can find it in
your hearts to forgive me.
